Forgive and Forget
by Throttled
Summary: PG15. He was my rapist, my critique, and my saviour. After one month of knowing him, my view has changed drastically. But another emotion is now forcing itself into my heart... Love?! NO MAGIC INVOLVED! L/J.
1. Chapter 1

Well, hee hee hee, this is so stupid. Ok, I'm warning you now, it's a seriously weird fic (coz I'm absolutely bonkers but . you know.). Well, carry on if you want. =^^=  
  
By the way, in this fic, there is no magic. As in none! So it's kinda like reality!  
  
Forgive and Forget  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"Ms Evans, are you still with us?" said the judge.  
  
I felt the gaze of many upon my back as I turned mournfully towards him. A lump was stuck in my throat.  
  
"Ye-yes, your highness," I managed to cough out, my voice, although quiet, rang in the vast courtroom.  
  
Here I was, a small girl in a huge court. My family was situated behind me, dressed in the most expensive attires and with their head up high and their chin stuck out. I have never hated them more.  
  
The judge looked suspicious at my answer, but didn't pursue further. "Then would you please kindly answer the question?"  
  
I tried to clear my mind off all those disturbing memories. "I'm sorry, can- can you please repeat it again?"  
  
A sigh, "did or did you not enjoy the experience you have encountered a month ago?"  
  
I had rehearsed this. "One can never enjoy something that was forced upon them."  
  
I heard a snort from the other side of the room, and shut my eyes, a few tears slipped out. *He* knew I was lying.  
  
About 15 metres away from me, was a boy around my age. But unlike me, who was dressed up in a full length black dress that fitted in perfectly with the court, he looked totally out of place.  
  
Instead of wearing a dark suit like all the men in the court were wearing, he was dressed in a plain T-shirt and torn jeans. And instead of having his hair combed back in a formal manner, his hair was ragged and windblown. It was dark as ebony, yet soft as feather, I remember exactly how they felt. His eyes were serious and cold, blank of emotions. But I could still feel the desire in those big brown eyes when they had swept over me.  
  
At this very moment, his expression was one of sneer and scowl, which damaged his handsome profile ever so slightly. I knew that if it was a different circumstance, I would probably have taken a liking to him. But all I felt right now was fright and insecurity. I didn't want to be here.  
  
"Any more questions, Mr Potter?" Asked the judge.  
  
James Harold Potter shook his head and sat back down. I knew he was staring at me when doing so.  
  
The judge then turned to my side of the room, and asked in the same tone. "Questions?"  
  
My lawyer stood up and bowed to the judge, his white wig looked silly in my opinion. Next, he walked to the slouching boy, the shiny black shoes on his feet made sounds against the marble floor.  
  
"You were drunk when you . touched Ms Evans, was that correct, Mr Potter?" it was more of a statement than a question.  
  
"Yea." was the grumble reply.  
  
"You were witnessed to have viciously attacked Ms Evans bodyguards before you took her away."  
  
"Yea."  
  
"Do you have any kind of idea the damage you have caused?"  
  
"Yea."  
  
My lawyer had obviously expected him to elaborate but when Potter failed to do so, he asked instead.  
  
"Well? Would you please to share your opinion with us."  
  
Potter took his time to prepare his speech. Seeming unaware of the eyes that were on him.  
  
"I took away one of her womanly virtue. I did it without consent, therefore upset her. And now she's suing me because she wants compensation for it, well, you're all wasting your time, 'cos I ain't got no money. And I don't give a shit about the punishments either!'  
  
Waves of shocked murmur broke out. And the judge whacked his hammer twice, shouting "SILENCE!" over the rambles. But not before carrying on, "no need to use such foul language in court, Mr Potter. It will do you no good."  
  
Potter shrugged, "I know it won't. But I was sworn to tell the truth, right? And I am. So I don't know what's your problem."  
  
I felt hurt. I knew he didn't care for me, but he could at least have the decency to *pretend* that he was sorry. He must know what a crime he had committed? He talked about the virtue as if it was nothing. I had protected it for many years, and resisted many temptations. And he just snatched it away in a click of your fingers.  
  
"Mr Potter, as I'm sure you're fully aware. Ms Evans came from a wealthy and respectable family. Doing this . deed have damaged her life, her future. Don't you care at least a little about that?"  
  
Potter didn't bother to even think this time. He didn't need to, "look mister, I grew up alone. My mother was a whore who ditched me in a dump when I was 10, she then left with a man who probably have sex with her every night until she dies. I don't know who my father is and don't really want to either if he had anything to do with my mother. Now you're telling me that this . *deed* I had done to Ms Evans here damaged her life? I mean, don't you think that's a little bit extreme?!"  
  
Silence followed his statement. No one knew how to react.  
  
I was shocked myself. Sure, I had heard stories about kids who were dumped by their parents when they were young, but I never thought they were true. I felt some sympathy inside my heart reach out for him, but then I got angry. Even if he had had a tough childhood (which I am very sorry to hear), it does not justify the crime he had done to me. Not in any way.  
  
The people around me obviously thought differently, they started to whisper again. I caught some odd bits from here and there.  
  
"That explains why he's got no lawyers."  
  
"Poor kid, no wonder he acts the way he does."  
  
"How could a mother do such a thing?!"  
  
I felt my anger strengthen, he . hurt me and they're feeling sorry for *him*?! He deserved to be toasted in hell for what he had done. But I immediately felt ashamed, they were right, he did have a horrible youth. I mean, I can't imagine living 10 years alone on my own. But still, he did . hurt me.  
  
I suddenly felt very dizzy and swayed on my spot.  
  
The judge banged his hammer on the desk and shouted, "SILENCE!" for the second time. The noise worsened my headache.  
  
My lawyer broke out of the reverie he was trapped in and blinked. After recollecting himself again, he reached inside his suitcase and brought a paper out. I took some time to recognise it, black spots seemed to unfocus my vision.  
  
"You have raped a girl against her own will, Mr Potter, as the paper says,  
  
"'Returning from a friend's birthday party last night, Lillian Maria Evans was sexually abducted by Ja."  
  
I was unable to hear no more as my eyes fluttered shut and I slipped from consciousness.  
  
A/N well? What d'you think? Please review lots. Thanks!! ^^  
  
PS just reread it again, it's rubbish, innit?! 


	2. Chapter 2

Er . it has got *some* description of you-know-what, I s'pose I should rate this chapter PG15 (if there is such a thing).  
  
Forgive and Forget  
  
Chapter 2  
  
No, not again.  
  
Hands were running up and down my frail body. Hurting yet pleasuring me at the same time. I clung on to the only thing I could grab hold of, hair. Dark locks of ebony hair, so soft and so smooth. Hungry brown eyes shone above me, taking in every single part of me, including my womanhood.  
  
A mouth trailed down my neck, finding a weak spot, where it stayed and suckled. I could hardly suppress a moan. It wasn't right, I told myself. But my body had a life of its own. The mouth moved further down, Sucking, lapping, licking. I couldn't restrain any longer and moans after moans came out.  
  
Then the mouth stopped. I breathed a sigh of relief and (to my shame) disappointment.  
  
The face of my predator rose to meet mine. It was a boy, a boy my age, his handsome profile almost knocked me off my feet. My investigation did not go amiss as he smirked and pulled his mouth to mine. I tried to keep my lips shut but his tongue wormed its way into my mouth, exploring places.  
  
I surprised both him and myself when I found myself kissing back. I tasted beer and cigarette on his mouth but that only made me want him more. I'm tired being the good girl.  
  
But then, I stopped. I felt something enter me. And it was then that I knew, he wanted more than I was willing to give. I pulled my mouth back and scrambled, trying to get away. However, he was stronger, as he pinned my arms and pushed me against a tree with a brutal force.  
  
His mouth found mine again as they worked their magic. But the piece of rod entering me held my attention and I refused to kiss him back. He then started to grind against me, I felt pleasure and pain at the same time. I hate myself.  
  
He didn't stop when he felt me tense against him, in fact, he grinded harder and faster. I grabbed his hair, finding comfort in them. Biting my lips 'til they bled, telling myself I won't moan.  
  
I could feel myself ready to explode as my body started to shake violently. No, no, please no. I would not enjoy this.  
  
*  
  
I gasped and opened my eyes. My breathing was coming in fast, laboured pants. I was sweating in the duvet. I looked frantically around me, it was dark, presumably midnight, I was at a . hospital. I couldn't remember why though.  
  
The dream was still fresh on my mind, I've been having it every time I sleep for the past one month. I could still feel those caramel eyes roam with hunger, and the way those hands had been so harsh and brutal yet gentle and pleasing at the same time. I hugged my knees to my chest, sniffing.  
  
I was never strong, emotionally or physically. But I always had someone to protect me, my bodyguards. Although my parents don't really care about me, they still put up a good front, the press and media love them to bits, and I'm just the sweet girl who was the outcome of the two famous people of our time.  
  
I looked at my right arm, a healing gash was there. It was caused when I had scratched myself on a tree branch in attempt to get away. As you can see, it didn't work and I injured myself in return.  
  
Suddenly, I felt sick. All the food I had eaten the previous day started to travel up my throat. I immediately leapt off the bed and ran with my hand covering my mouth towards the loo. No sooner than I got to the toilet cubicle, everything I had been holding in came up.  
  
I stayed there for a couple of minutes. Waiting for any more to come. This had been going on for a week now. Then I stood up and walked over to the sink.  
  
I stared into the mirror.  
  
I didn't look like the girl I used to know. My hair wasn't the rich fiery colour they were, but an orange limp colour, my soft curls weren't bouncy anymore, they looked messy and dead. My skin didn't seem creamy or rosy, but greenish (probably from the vomit) and almost dry yellow. Hollow green eyes stared back at me, unlike the bright eyes I knew, not emitting anything other than sadness and gloom.  
  
I wanted to punch the mirror. But was scared of hurting myself. I wasn't strong.  
  
Slowly, I made my way back to the hospital bed. My skinny frame seemed to crush under the weight. I curled up in a ball shape and drifted back to sleep . eventually.  
  
When I woke up in the morning, the first thing I saw was a nurse. She put my breakfast tray on my bedside table and went away, she didn't see me waking up.  
  
I glanced at my breakfast, but then decided to pass. The porridge looked like goo and I didn't want to eat scrambled eggs.  
  
My parents weren't here, surprise, surprise. I didn't expect them to come and check how I was doing. But I did feel miserable, and alone. No one had come to see if I'm okay.  
  
Then I thought about him, and surprised myself by feeling a thump on my heart. I scolded myself for feeling that but I then told myself that he was undoubtedly very handsome. And mysterious. I guess any normal girl would feel the same thing.  
  
I do feel sorry for him despite everything he had done to me. Knowing my father and mother, and their status in the world. He is very unlikely to get a fair trial. Although the court sworn to be fair and just. The human race can never be like that when a great and powerful figure is on one side of the argument. I'm 90% sure that my family will win.  
  
I didn't want to bring this matter to court, I just wanted it go away, to be forgotten but my mother and father gave me no choice. When I had returned home the day after the incident, they cornered me and demanded the truth. Apparently, one of my bodyguards escaped from Potter's drunk attacks and raced home where they told my parents everything. I told them everything of course, it was hard to explain why you've got bruises and cuts all over your body, and why all your clothes are either torn and dirty.  
  
They hadn't acted like what normal parents would act like. They didn't ask whether I was alright or anything but sent me to my room with the family nurse while they discussed the actions that must be taken.  
  
When I walked pass my sister, Petunia, she said she heard what happened and told me I was a disgrace to the family name. She then spat at me and slammed her bedroom door shut.  
  
I had never felt more unwanted. My parents always adored Petunia more than me, and Petunia took every chance possible to show me that, but it was very painful when your whole family act like they don't care. After all, they were my flesh and blood, the very people I should be able to lean onto no matter what. But they weren't like that at all.  
  
I knew that this whole court battle was really for publicity, my family was rich as it is and didn't need any money (the tramp cannot pay any anyway). They wanted to use me to be more famous and be in the headlines of the newspapers. Huh, some parents they were.  
  
They not only gave no concern for my feelings towards this accident, they actually told me what to say in court. And forced me to rehearse it. When doing interviews, they kissed my cheeks and patted my hair, crying as if they care. I hate them.  
  
I shut my eyes, my head was feeling dizzy again from thinking too much. Noiselessly, I snuggled into the warm duvet and blessedly feel asleep again.  
  
A/N Well? What do you think? Tell me, tell me, TELL ME!!! Sorry, I'm going mental =^^=. 


	3. Chapter 3

*****  
  
Forgive and Forget  
  
Chapter 3  
  
*****  
  
I was walking down the street; a long, black clock covered me. A hood was used to shield my face, people who passed me must either think I'm mental or I'm scary.  
  
They were wrong however, I was only doing this because I wanted to walk alone by myself. But I knew that if I didn't wear any disguise, people would notice me and they'd probably ask for autographs and etc.  
  
It wasn't a cold day, the wind was more like a gentle breeze, whispering untold secrets. I carried on walking.  
  
My parents weren't at home, to which I am thankful, and Petunia's probably on the phone chatting to one of her snobby friends, no doubt comparing their latest designer clothes or jewellery. And for the first time in my life, I found myself wanting to be like her too.  
  
I shuddered, two months ago, I would have said that I'd rather be dead than be like Petunia. People change, how true that is.  
  
It didn't take long till I reached my destination. The police station. Hugging my clock more tightly around myself, I walked in. And to put it frankly, it was certainly different from the one I imagined.  
  
The wallpaper was a sick yellow colour and was peeling, a steel cabinet was situated in a corner, an old desk next to it. The whole room looked very dull. Behind the desk was a female police officer. She was writing something.  
  
I walked up to her and cleared my throat, that got her attention. She looked up and smiled a professional smile, one that doesn't reach her eyes. She looked at me expectantly, obviously waiting for me to continue.  
  
I took off my hood and heard a slight gasp from her, it was unordinary for me to be anywhere without my bodyguards. She immediately offered her service.  
  
"Ms Evans! How can I help you?"  
  
I ignored her tone of voice, why does everyone treat me as if I'm a princess that deserves special treatment?  
  
"Could it be possible for me to visit a captive by the name of James Harold Potter? I was told that he was held here." That was a lie, I guessed that he was held here, but I reckon that if I said that I was 'told' she will let me see him because she'll think that my parents gave me permission.  
  
The officer gave me an astonished stare. I groaned inside, she must've heard about the accident. Then I kicked myself. Duh?! It's all over the papers and news, only someone who's completely cut off from the world wouldn't know.  
  
She blinked and asked, uncertainly, "Are-are you sure, Ms Evans?"  
  
I nodded despite myself. The truth was that I wasn't sure. I didn't even know why I was here. But I knew that I wanted to see him and talk to him without anyone around. I'm mental, now that was true.  
  
The woman stood up and said, "follow me."  
  
I did as she told, and walked through another door. It was even more unpleasant than the last room, I realised. The wallpaper wasn't even there. They were just . walls, plain bricks. I also realised that the room stank of smoke. A couple of male policemen were slouching on the chairs, beer cans were on the table, two empty ones were rolling around the floor. Absolutely disgusting.  
  
The woman next to me froze, she glanced worriedly at me. Obviously wanting to know what I was thinking. I didn't express anything.  
  
She must've took this as a good sign as she cleared her throat and one of the men looked up. He looked to be in his early twenties and had strong muscles.  
  
"John! Can you tell Ms Evans where captive 2254 (James Harold Potter)'s cell is? She wants to visit him."  
  
John looked at me up and down, eyes lingering at my breasts and my hips. It took all strength in me to not go over and smash his face off. Men, what are they like?!  
  
At last, he nodded. He gestured for me to follow him and I did. We descended down stairs after stairs after stairs. It was getting darker, I realised. Finally, we reached the end of the staircases and stopped.  
  
I looked around. Metal doors were like cubicles, blocking every cell out of view. A small barred window was placed in the middle of the doors, but no one was looking out.  
  
He inserted the key into one of the cells and said, "it can only be up to 30 minutes, got that?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
He opened the door and I walked inside. I looked around. Straw, straw and more straw. That was what the floor was made of. A small bed was situated in the corner, right next to the window. I immediately knew that something was missing.  
  
Where's Potter?  
  
I heard a clunk behind me and turned around instinctively.  
  
And there he stood, with the door closed behind him. His face contorted with lust.  
  
John..  
  
With an incredible speed, he pushed me up against the cell wall. A crash was made when the wall and my back made contact. It hurt. It didn't take me long before I realised what was going on.  
  
"No." I whispered. The whole scene was all too familiar.  
  
"You're a beautiful little thing, you know that?" A voice hissed into my ear, but not before a kiss was planted on my neck. "I've lusted after you for so long. I've got every single picture of you, did you know that?" Another kiss on my neck. "When I heard that Potter guy raped you I was so angry, you know? I had wanted you and so I should get the first turn, right? But I don't care, as long as I could have you now, I don't care." More kisses trailed down my neck. They were going lower and lower.  
  
I tried to push him away from me using my hands but he was too strong. Those muscles had a lot of strength. To him, I'm probably as light as a feather.  
  
Tears were now running down my cheeks. Why did I come here? I should've stayed at home like a good girl. I should've brought my bodyguards at least, grandma said it was necessary for my protection. Why didn't I listen?!  
  
John's hands weren't like Potter's, they weren't gentle in the slightest. He roughly molested me and made me bleed by his rough actions. Desperately, I screamed, "HELP!"  
  
But all he did was hurting me even harder and faster. "Shut up, you bitch. I'm gonna fuck you and there's nothing you can do about it."  
  
I heard a zip been pulled down and gasped. "No, no, no, no.. please no." I sobbed.  
  
BANG! BANG! BANG!!!  
  
He stopped, I stopped. What is that, I thought.  
  
Then I heard a snigger. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. The great Jonathon Lindfire. Need to rape someone for a fuck. My, my, how embarrassing."  
  
The voice sounded kind of familiar, I thought. But I quickly forgot about it when John started to shake in anger.  
  
"SHUT UP, YOU TRAMP! You don't know nothing!"  
  
"Wait 'til I tell everyone in court what you've been up to. Hah! That'll be a laugh. Wouldn't it?! I wonder if you'll keep your job.?"  
  
"I'LL KILL YOU!"  
  
"Nah, you won't. Beside, you won't even beat me in a hand to hand combat so how can you kill me?"  
  
I listen quietly. Not making a noise.  
  
"You can't beat me! No one can!!!."  
  
A silence. "Proof it."  
  
"Alright, but you asked for it." Growled John.  
  
He then zipped up his pants and stomped to the door, but not before looking back at me. "I'll finish with you later."  
  
A clunk of the door, and he was gone. I heard the keys been turned. He locked it. Damn.  
  
I heard a key being turned in the cell next to me and held my breath. Could that brave young man (yes, the voice was masculine) beat John, it doesn't look like it. Who can beat those muscles?  
  
The next ten minutes was very tense. There were constant banging on the walls and lots of swearing involved. I couldn't hear what they were saying as they didn't seem to say much and when they do, it was all in whispers.  
  
And suddenly, after ten minutes. Everything stopped. I stopped breathing.  
  
I heard the door next to me being opened and closed again. Footsteps clanked in the hallway before they reached my cell. I watched as the key was turned again on mine and I started to shake.  
  
I felt the time slow down as the door swung open.  
  
I gasped.  
  
Standing there, looking as handsome as ever. Was my rapist, my critique, and now my saviour.  
  
James Potter.  
  
*****  
  
A/N I GOT THE FIFTH HARRY POTTER BOOK!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Well, that took long. Anyway, please review to tell me what you think. I think it's pretty rubbish but you know. It's what you think that counts.  
  
I'm sorry if you find this story about rape-love offending but I just had this idea one day and I really liked it. Sorry again. Anyway, I love you all for reviewing and thank you very much for enjoying this fic. ^^  
  
Just reread it. IT WAS RUBBISH!!! Maybe I'll change it.  
  
Naaah, can't be bothered. Just read it and review. Thanks!  
  
Oh yeh guess wat!!! Oooh, ur gonna b soooo jealous.  
  
I GOT THE 


	4. Chapter 4

*****  
  
Forgive and Forget  
  
Chapter 4  
  
*****  
  
You. you save me.  
  
I thought as I stared with wide eyes at the handsome youth before me. His hair was dishevelled and there were bits of straw sticking out of his dark hair. His face was void of emotions as he took glances at my current state. My hair was all messed up, my lips were swollen and my body was nude with bites all over. It wasn't a pleasant sight.  
  
I wasn't embarrassed to let him see me naked, shockingly. Mainly because he has already I guess. But I couldn't stand him standing there, looking at me as if I'm nothing.  
  
I noticed some injuries on him too, bruises, cuts and such. But he didn't seem to notice them.  
  
Suddenly, he made a movement. Moving to the left side of the cell, he grabbed my long, black cloak and chucked it at me.  
  
"Put this on," he said briskly. I noticed that his eyes weren't looking at me when he did so.  
  
I obeyed willingly, just noticing exactly how cold it was to be this underground. He leaned against a wall in front of me and stayed there, not saying anything.  
  
For a minute there, I forgot why I was down there and what I was doing. But then the remembrance hit me like a blow in the chest.  
  
I'M RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY RAPIST!!!  
  
I blinked twice, feeling tears coming up. My body resumed the trembling it had made before. My lips started to waver and my eyes began to sting. I mustn't cry, I told myself. I mustn't let him see me like this again.  
  
Noticing my sudden behaviour, Potter sighed and reached a hand into his pockets, seemed to be trying to find a cigarette. But when the search was over and not one cigarette was produced, he gave an annoyed "shit."  
  
Potter stopped rummaging and looked into my eyes. With a more gentle tone than last time, he said, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you."  
  
I blinked at him, letting a few tears out. He's not gonna hurt me? Nevertheless, I still felt scared, how could I know that I could trust him?  
  
Potter seemed to know what I was thinking and said. "Look Evans, I'm not gonna hurt you, trust me, ok?"  
  
"Lily," I whispered. "Call me Lily." I hated it when someone called me Evans, it reminds me of the horrible household to which I had been born into.  
  
Potter was quite taken back with my response, or so it looked, as he stared quizzedly at me.  
  
"Oh, well, in that case, you can call me James." He said, still looking surprised.  
  
I gave him a weak smile. Maybe . just maybe he isn't that bad after all!  
  
Potter - sorry James's eyes captured mine, and for a minute there, I was sure that there was admiration in those eyes, but then it was gone, and I presumed that I imagined it.  
  
"Soo . you came here to talk to me, right?" James said.  
  
"Er." What do you say when you're in a position like mine?  
  
"I just wanna know some . some . you know . some answers."  
  
"Oh! Um . what kinda answers?" He asked, acting . I dunno, fidgety.  
  
"Err." Great answer, Lily. Just sooo great.  
  
James seemed to understand that I was having problems so he decided to help me. After running an absent hand through his hair, he said.  
  
"Look, I guess I do owe you an explanation. I'm sorry that I did . what I did, I was just really drunk and wasn't thinking properly, you know. And when I saw you there, so happy and with a good future right in front of you, I just got really pissed off and angry about how you have everything and I don't." He sighed. "I was just being immature and like I said, I was drunk so I wasn't exactly thinking properly. I'm sorry."  
  
And he did indeed look very sorry. His head was drooped and his fingers were toying with the torn cloth of his shirt. He couldn't seem to look into my eyes.  
  
"Er." That seemed to be the only word I know, doesn't it?  
  
"And I didn't really mean all those things I said in court. Well, not all of it anyway. I was quite angry that you brought the matter into court and everything but then I realised you had every right to. But Lily."  
  
I felt my heart getting caught up my throat. He said my name.  
  
"I don't have anything I can give to you right now. So if you want money or anything from me, I'm afraid you're gonna have to wait for a couple of years."  
  
Is that what he thought I came for? Money? Compensation?! Did he really think I'd do that?  
  
"James." He looked into my eyes for the first time. "I don't want anything from you. Ok? I didn't want to bring this into court either. It was . it was my parents. You and I have one thing in common. See, both our parents don't like us. My parents are big celebrities, as you probably already know. And they just wanted to use this to gain more publicity. It sound hard to believe but trust me, it's true."  
  
I didn't know why I was saying all these things to him, especially to him. I've never told anyone, not even my friends this. But I suppose it was more comfortable talking to someone who had been through the same thing.  
  
"Um . ok, so you're mad at me?" His hazel eyes shone hopefully.  
  
I smiled, though I still felt insecure. "No, I'm not mad at you."  
  
Somewhere along the staircase, footsteps started to clank.  
  
"Ms Evans? Are you there? Is everything alright?" It was that woman.  
  
"Ms Ev - OH MY GOD! John! John, come quick. Look at this, Potter's free, Potter's free. John?! Where are you? Come on, you idiot!!!" She took my hand and dragged me away from James. Who looked like he's gonna burst out laughing any second.  
  
"Calm down, Ms er. Miss. John's not here, well, technically he is here but he's not in any position to talk. Ms Evans, as you have there" His eyes glanced at her hands which were gripping my arms so tight I was sure it was going to leave a bruise. "Is fine, and John. Well, I think Ms Evans will tell you exactly what happened . in court."  
  
The woman gave a choked shriek and tightened her grip on my arms. I winced.  
  
James noticed and said, "you might wanna let go of Ms Evans now, miss. I think you're the one hurting her."  
  
She didn't do anything for a minute and then she suddenly started to run with me lagging behind her. I could barely keep in pace but I managed, I took a glance behind me and saw James chuckling.  
  
"Bye Lily."  
  
*****  
  
A/N Well, that's all for now. I know this sound crap but I really wanna finish this quickly. 


	5. Chapter 5

*****  
  
Forgive and Forget  
  
Chapter 5  
  
*****  
  
RING! RING!! RING! RING!!  
  
"Yes?" I said into the speaker, still half asleep. I took a glance at the clock, seven thirty!!! Who'd call me now?!  
  
"Hey Lils! It's me, Bella!" Oh, it's Bella, my best friend.  
  
"'Lo Bel, What are you doing? Cal-calling me this early in the morning?" I yawned.  
  
"Well, I tried calling you all yesterday, all the day before that and the day before that! But you were never at home! So I had to catch you sometime didn't I?" oh yeah, I forgot, Linda (my servant), told me that a girl called continuously for 3 days.  
  
"Lily, is it true? The rumours? Were you really er . abducted by this James Potter person?" She sounded really worried, I can just imagine her brows scrunched together on her pretty face. Concern reflecting off her clear blue eyes.  
  
"Er . look Bella, this is kinda awkward over the phone. How about you come over later? I'll tell you then." I was still really tired.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, sure. But . won't your parents mind?" Bella asked tentatively, even though I never told her the mutual feelings between my parents and I, she knew that I didn't get along with them at all.  
  
"No, no they won't. Besides, Petunia ask her friends over everyday so I think it'll be alright. And if they don't like it. Tough!"  
  
Bella giggled. "Ok then, I'll see you in half an hours time ok?"  
  
"Yeah, ok. See you then."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
I placed the earphone back onto its holder. Thinking about everything that had happened the past week. Bizarre. That's the word. Everything was so weird. I got raped a month ago, I was criticised by my rapist in court, I got crazy and went to prison to talk to him and almost got raped again by another man. And then unexpectedly, my former rapist saved me and I ended up making somewhat friends with him.  
  
I tried to picture James in my mind and surprised myself by finding it so easy. In my mind, his unruly locks were rustling in the wind. He was wearing a casual pair of jeans and top. There were no dirt on him, instead he looked clean and polished and irresistibly handsome. I then pictured myself next to him. A small figure, looking fragile and easily blown away by the wind..  
  
I then saw him turn and my stomach did an involuntary somersault. He wasn't looking at me in the way he had been in the woods. Not the cruel, devilish one: or the nervous, fidgety one I saw in the cell. The look within his eyes was something more, much more. So deep it made my heart tighten and my breathing stop just knowing what it means.  
  
His eyes never blinked or wavered as he leaned closer and closer towards me. I can feel his warm breath on my lips and my pulse quickened. Slowly, his eyes began to shut as his lips drew closer.  
  
Yes . just a little closer . just a little.  
  
"Hey! My darling little sister. Your friend is here." Petunia's voice came to my ears.  
  
"Wha..?" I groggily got up. I can't believe I fell asleep!  
  
"You know, the only friend you've got, the one with the curly brown hair and blue eyes. Dear-oh-dear, shall I tell her you've forgotten her?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Who were you thinking about anyway?" She looked at me with dislike.  
  
"Wha? No one. No one."  
  
"Don't lie to me. I heard you talking in your sleep. 'C'mon, just a little closer. Kiss me.'" Petunia made a kissing noise. "Yeah right! As if anyone would want to kiss you!" She sneered.  
  
Dammit, was I muttering? I didn't know I sleep talk, damn damn. Oh well, too late now.  
  
"Just leave me alone, Petunia. I haven't got time for this. Talk to one of your stupid friends if you want someone to nag." I said coldly as I rushed out of my room.  
  
I ran into the living room, not really caring that my hair was messed up.  
  
"BELLA!!" I exclaimed as I swooped down and gave her a big hug. "How are you? It's been ages since we've seen each other!"  
  
"Calm down, Lils. And hello to you too!"  
  
"Oh, sorry, hey! C'mon, let's go to my bedroom, we can talk there without anyone listening." I pointedly tilted my head towards the spiral staircase, where Petunia's mop of blonde hair stuck out of her bedroom door.  
  
The day was followed by my own account of what had happened. Bella wanted every single detail. And when I told her about my little trip to the prison, she yelled.  
  
"YOU WHAT?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? LILY? HE COULD HAVE HURT YOU AGAIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE SO STUPID!!"  
  
"Geez, calm down Bella. Or Petunia the nosy will hear you! But you're right, I was stupid. And something quite . nasty did happen. Er." It was hard to say this. I haven't told anyone this because a) I was suppose to be at home when it happened and b) my parents will go mad again and will want to bring the matter to court. And c) they'll want the full account of what happened and I don't want to share it out with them.  
  
"Go on, Lils." Bella said, her face eager and concerned.  
  
"Well, um." I coughed, "there was this guy who was suppose to bring me to Ja - Potter's cell. But." I paused, should I really continue? "Unfortunately, he had other intentions in mind." I suddenly felt very scared as I imagined John's face again, twisted with barely controlled lust.  
  
Realisation dawned upon Bella's eyes. And she opened her mouth slowly, pronouncing each word clearly and gradually. "He didn't, oh my god, tell me he didn't. Oh Lily, what must it have been like? I'm so sorry."  
  
I sniffed, my eyes were kind of stinging now because I didn't want to blink in case the tears in my eyes will fall.  
  
"He did an-and. it was horrible. Bella! He was all over me. Kissing and . doing other stuff. It was horrible." My voice went oddly squeaky as I tried to hold back the tears.  
  
Bella looked sympathetically at me, her hands reaching for a tissue. "Here." She said, handing me one.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
I hated acting weak. Even if it was in front of my best friend. I hated the feeling of someone seeing you so helpless, so vulnerable. I hate it. But the rape has made me feel that way a lot recently.  
  
Bella gave me a minute to gain self-control again, for which I was grateful.  
  
"So what happened then?" She asked softly, not pressuring me to tell her.  
  
"Well." And I proceeded to tell her the rest. All of James rescuing me and everything. I didn't tell her about the conversation we had about our parents, I don't know why, I just couldn't bring myself to say it.  
  
She stayed silent for a while. A mature, intelligent look replaced the eager, confused one. I waited patiently.  
  
"Lily." oh no, I know that tone, she's going to say something I won't like. "Are you sure you think of him just as a rescuer? Nothing more?"  
  
Now why did she ask that?  
  
"Of course, what else could I think of him beside that and my drunken rapist?" I found myself not scared whenever I think of him now. Instead, a warm, bubbly feeling swelled inside my chest. It prickled in a nice way.  
  
"Because . well, because. Look, Lily, I know you. I know how you react. It seems to me that you . well, you . you like him in a . more-than-friendly way. You know.?"  
  
I stared at her. She must've gone crazy, she must've. I don't like James in that way, I mean, he is awfully good-looking, and quite polite, and we have a lot in common, but . I don't like him! At least not in that way.  
  
"What are you talking about? Of course I don't like him in a more-than- friendly way!!" I punched Bella lightly on the shoulders. Attempting to make it funny.  
  
But Bella didn't seem to find it funny, on the contrary, she looked very serious and stern.  
  
"I can't believe you like him! How can you like him, Lils? He's raped you, for god's sake! And don't deny you like him, you're blushing right now." She said shrilly as I opened my mouth to protest.  
  
I was flushing, yes, but that's because she was been absurd. And I was getting quite angry, being a red-head meant a fiery temper. "I'm red because you're being ridiculous! That's why!! And he didn't really want to rape me, I told you, he was drunk and he said he couldn't stan-"  
  
"For heaven's sake, Lily! Look at you. You're buying all this bullshit he's telling you. How naïve are you? He only said them to get on your good side so he can get away with rape!"  
  
"That's not tru-"  
  
"Isn't it? Then why has he been so nasty to you in court and nice to you in his cell. It's because he doesn't want the public to know he's secretly changing your mind. Wake up, Lils! He's using you."  
  
"James is not ("Oh it's James now is it??") using me, he was being so nice. He told me so much stuff about him as well. He saved me Bella!!! He sav- ARGH!"  
  
I clutched my stomach, eyes shut and lips bit together. What was that? My stomach suddenly felt as though someone had punched it.  
  
Bella's angry expression immediately became one of alarm and concern.  
  
"What is it, Lils? What is it?"  
  
"My stomach, it just - argh - it just."  
  
I rubbed it. Suddenly realising that it was slightly bigger than I remembered.  
  
I paled.  
  
Oh my god.  
  
I gathered every weird occurrences that had happened in the last one month and put them together.  
  
I was pregnant.  
  
*****  
  
A/N What do you think. I'm only thirteen so I don't really know much about pregnancy and how they react, I hope the court thing is right also coz I've never been to a court meeting. Hope you enjoyed it, bye  
  
PS I don't know how those weird symbols were up there or why. But I didn't do it ^^ 


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